The Committed Parent
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Translating social neuroscience to help parents raise kids we can live with and are crazy about ~
The Life Events Impact History
Mark Brady, Ph.D. and Jennifer Austin Leigh, Psy.D.
Instructions:
1. Place a check mark next to any phrase that describes
an event that happened at any time in your life.
2. Place the letter “R” next to any phrase that describes
an event that occurred more than once in your life (Repeated).
3. Place the letter “S” next to any phrase that describes an event
that happened that caused you to feel over-whelmed, helpless,
terrified, rage-filled or frozen (Shock).
Harm by commission (Direct hurts others):
Physical, sexual verbal or emotional abuse
Disrespectful treatment (e.g. insults, lies)
Punitive discipline
Valued for achievements – not who you are
Unreasonably high adult expectations
Ignoring or rejecting of painful emotions
Love or attention conditional on your good behavior
Racism, sexism
Over-control by caretakers
Harm by omission (Unmet needs):
Physical or emotional neglect
Insufficient nurturing contact, holding or nonsexual touch
Lack of opportunities to form attachments
Lack of stimulation
Lack of autonomy
Unfulfilled promises
Lack of communication
Left out of school activities
Important events unacknowledged
Situational harm (Caused by life circumstances; indirect):
Prenatal or birth trauma
Illnesses, injuries, medical procedures or surgeries
Subjected to general anesthesia or IV sedation
Loss of attachments (separation or death)
Short separation (depends on age)
Over-stimulation
Developmental frustrations and fears
Inescapable restraints
Major changes (e.g. new sibling, home, or school)
Primary caretaker dysfunction (e.g.anxiety, grief, anger, illness)
Primary caretaker disputes, separation or divorce
Primary caretaker alcoholism or drug abuse
Dysfunctional nuclear or extended family system
Natural disasters (e.g. fires, floods, earthquakes, tornadoes, hurricanes)
Exposure to violence (through real life or the media)
Other frightening events
Disappointments or unforeseen occurrences
Arguments with caretakers, peers or siblings
Adapted from:
Tears and Tantrums by Aletha J. Solter, Shining Star Press, 1998.
Scoring:
If you indicated more than two or three items with an “R” or an “S”
there is a high probability that you have been exposed to repeated or one-time
shock trauma experiences. These experiences very likely have had a significant
impact on your life in the past and may continue to impact your life today. Such
experiences live in the brain as physically encapsulated groups of neurons, and
in the body as residual “energy cysts.” They interfere with our ability to listen skill-
fully to another as they distort our version of reality and close our heart to a great
deal of love and acceptance. We untangle the present by unraveling the knots of
the past, and so being listened to with care and compassion is a first step in be-
ginning to clear the body of these residual experiences.